So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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