You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
