I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
