I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
