You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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