No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
