Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
