it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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