Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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