I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
