her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
