Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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