I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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