My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
