I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
