You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
