The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
