Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
