Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
