Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
