R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
