Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
