Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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