she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
