good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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