Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
