My cat gives me a boner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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