I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
