Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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