Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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