I want to walk on stilts...naked
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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