She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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