Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
