My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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