East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
