Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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