Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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