Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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