The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
