i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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