im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
