If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
