im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
