So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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