You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
