i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
