Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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