What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
