My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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