She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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