I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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