You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't turn off my feet"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
