Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
