Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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