there's paper in my vomit.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
