i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
