I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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