i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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