you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
