Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
