Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
