Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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