my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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