eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
