she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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