I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
