i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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