so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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