I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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