Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
